Moving abroad with children: For children, moving abroad often means saying goodbye to everything that feels familiar.

“How can we prepare our children for an international move?”

It is one of the questions parents ask us most often. And for good reason.

An international move is about much more than packing boxes, arranging visas or choosing a new school. It is a life-changing experience for the whole family.

Perhaps you’re moving abroad for a new job, an exciting international opportunity or a long-awaited lifestyle change. Or maybe you’re returning to the Netherlands after spending several years overseas.

Whatever your story, your children are leaving behind a world that feels safe and familiar. Their friends, grandparents, school, sports club, favourite playground and the routines that have shaped their everyday lives may all suddenly change.

At the same time, they are stepping into a completely new world filled with unfamiliar faces, another language, a different culture and experiences they have never had before. Children often experience this transition very differently from their parents.

While adults are usually focused on practical matters, children tend to live much more in the present. They may be excited about the adventure while worrying about completely different things.

Questions such as:

• Will I ever see my friends again?
• What if I don’t make new friends?
• Will I understand my teacher?
• Will I still be able to speak Dutch?
• What if I become homesick?

All of these concerns are completely normal. There is no perfect way to move abroad with children. Every family is different, every child reacts differently, and every international move comes with its own challenges.

Fortunately, there are many things you can do to help your child prepare emotionally and make the transition to a new country as smooth as possible.

In this guide, we combine our experience as educational professionals who have supported international families for many years with our own experiences of living abroad as a family. We know how exciting an international move can be, but we also understand how overwhelming it sometimes feels.

That is why this guide combines practical advice with insights into children’s emotional development, multilingualism and the importance of maintaining your child’s Dutch language while living abroad.

In this guide you’ll discover:

• why moving abroad has such a significant impact on children;
• how children of different ages experience an international move;
• practical ways to prepare your child before you leave;
• the emotional stages many families experience after arriving in a new country;
• how to recognise and deal with homesickness;
• why maintaining your child’s Dutch language is so important while living abroad;
• and how to help your child embrace this new chapter with confidence.

Moving abroad with children comes with challenges, but it also offers incredible opportunities.

Many children become more independent, resilient and adaptable through international experiences. They develop cultural awareness, learn to communicate across languages and often gain a broader view of the world.

With the right preparation, your family can build a strong foundation for a positive start in your new home.

Why moving abroad has a big impact on children

Moving abroad is an exciting step for many families. It often brings new opportunities, new experiences and the chance to build a different kind of life together. At the same time, it is also one of the biggest transitions a child can experience.

The biggest difference between parents and children is that parents usually make the decision to move. They understand the reasons behind it. Perhaps it is a new job, a long-held dream, a better work-life balance or the opportunity to experience another culture. Children rarely have that choice.

Instead, they follow their parents while leaving behind much of the world they know. For a child, that world is about much more than a house or a school. It is made up of friends, teachers, grandparents, neighbours, favourite places and the familiar routines that make everyday life feel safe.

When many of those familiar elements change at once, it takes time to adjust. Even children who are genuinely excited about moving abroad may also feel sad about what they are leaving behind.

Those feelings can exist at the same time.

Moving also means experiencing loss

When parents think about an international move, they often focus on everything that needs to be organised. Children, on the other hand, are often thinking about everything they are leaving behind.

That sense of loss is not always visible. A child does not have to cry to miss something deeply. Some children become quieter than usual. Others become more emotional, more easily frustrated or suddenly less interested in school. Some seem perfectly happy at first and only begin to struggle several weeks or even months after the move.

These reactions do not necessarily mean that something is wrong. They are often a completely normal response to a major life change.

Every child responds differently

Even brothers and sisters can experience the very same move in completely different ways. One child may quickly make new friends and eagerly explore the new environment. Another child may need much more time to adjust and feel comfortable.

Personality also plays an important role. Children who naturally enjoy meeting new people may settle in more quickly. Others need more structure, predictability and reassurance before they begin to feel at home.

Neither response is better than the other. Every child processes change in their own way.

Moving abroad also creates wonderful opportunities

Although moving abroad can be challenging, international life also offers children experiences that can shape them in remarkable ways. They discover new languages, different cultures and fresh perspectives on the world around them.

Many children become more adaptable, independent and resilient. They learn to communicate with people from different backgrounds, embrace new situations and develop confidence in unfamiliar environments.

These are valuable life skills that often stay with them long after childhood. That growth, however, rarely happens in a straight line. There will be exciting days, difficult days and days when everything suddenly feels overwhelming.

All of that is part of the journey.

Your role as a parent

As a parent, you cannot remove every uncertainty that comes with moving abroad. What you can do is provide a safe and supportive foundation.

By encouraging open conversations, acknowledging both excitement and sadness, and maintaining familiar routines wherever possible, you help your child build confidence in their new environment.

It is also important to remember that adjustment takes time. Some children feel at home within a few weeks. Others may need several months before they truly settle.

Try not to compare your child with siblings or other children. Every child follows their own path. The greatest gift you can offer is patience, understanding and the reassurance that all feelings are welcome.

In the next chapter, we’ll explore how children of different ages experience an international move. A preschooler, a primary school child and a teenager all have different questions, concerns and emotional needs—and understanding those differences can make a world of difference during the transition.

How children of different ages react to moving abroad

No two children respond to an international move in exactly the same way. Their age, personality, previous experiences, and the way your family approaches change all play important roles.

However, over the years we have noticed that children at different stages of development often face different challenges. Understanding what is typical for your child’s age can help you better support them before, during and after your move abroad.

Toddlers and preschoolers (approximately 2 to 5 years old)

Young children are often surprisingly adaptable. They usually make new connections quickly and adjust relatively easily to a different environment.

At the same time, they rely heavily on familiar routines and trusted people. A toddler may not fully understand what moving abroad actually means. But they do notice that something is changing.

There are moving boxes around the house. Parents may seem busier or more stressed than usual. Grandparents are visited more often. Favourite toys are packed away. Even sleeping in a different bed for a while can feel unsettling. You can support young children by keeping as many familiar routines as possible.

Simple things make a big difference:

• reading the same bedtime story every evening;
• bringing a favourite teddy or blanket;
• keeping regular meal and bedtime routines;
• taking a daily walk together in the new neighbourhood.

These small moments of familiarity provide comfort when almost everything else feels new.

Primary school children (approximately 6 to 12 years old)

For primary school children, everyday life revolves around school, friends, hobbies and sports. Moving abroad often means leaving all of those behind at the same time. Children in this age group usually ask very practical questions.

For example:

• Will I like my new teacher?
• Will I make new friends?
• Do the other children speak my language?
• Can I still keep in touch with my friends?
• Will I be different from everyone else?

Many children at this age are already able to express their feelings, but they don’t always do so. Some seem to adjust effortlessly at school while becoming more emotional at home. Others become quieter than usual or need extra reassurance.

It helps to make the move feel more familiar before you leave. Look at photos of your new neighbourhood together. Explore the school’s website. Read children’s books about moving abroad. Let your child help choose decorations for their new bedroom.

The more familiar the move becomes, the less overwhelming it often feels.

Teenagers (12 years and older)

For many teenagers, moving abroad is one of the biggest challenges they have ever faced. At this stage of life, friendships, independence and a sense of belonging are incredibly important.

Leaving behind close friends can feel like leaving behind an important part of their identity. Teenagers also tend to express emotions differently from younger children. Instead of openly showing sadness, they may seem distant, frustrated or even indifferent.

That doesn’t mean the move isn’t affecting them. Often, the opposite is true.

Try to involve teenagers as much as possible in the preparations. Ask for their opinions. Discuss different school options together. Encourage them to research your new city or country. Talk openly about both the exciting parts and the difficult parts of the move.

Although the final decision belongs to the parents, teenagers benefit enormously from feeling that their voice matters.

Even within one family, children can respond very differently

This is something we have experienced ourselves during several international moves.

Over the years, we have lived in Spain, Curaçao, Aruba and the Dominican Republic. Every move brought exciting opportunities, but also new challenges. One thing stood out every single time. Our children experienced exactly the same move in completely different ways.

When our daughter was fourteen, she could hardly wait to leave. For her, moving abroad felt like one big adventure. She looked forward to discovering a new country, starting at a different school and meeting new people. If it had been up to her, she would have packed her suitcase immediately.

Our son was ten at the time, and he experienced that very same move in a very different way. He found the idea exciting, but also quite overwhelming. Instead of focusing on what was ahead, he thought mostly about everything he would be leaving behind: his friends, his school, his sports club and the familiar routines of daily life. If he could have chosen, he would happily have stayed in the Netherlands.

Watching our children respond so differently reminded us that there is no right or wrong way to experience an international move. Our daughter was eager to look ahead. Our son needed time to say goodbye and slowly build trust in everything that was new.

We noticed the same pattern during later moves. Some transitions were easier than others. Sometimes everyone settled quickly, while other times it took much longer before we all felt at home again.

Every move was different. One thing, however, remained the same: Every child adjusts at their own pace. We see exactly the same pattern in the hundreds of international families we have worked with over the years.

Some children feel at home within just a few weeks. Others need several months before they truly settle. Neither response says anything about how resilient, sociable or confident a child is.

It is simply part of their own personal journey.

Avoid comparing your children

Perhaps one child is counting down the days until departure while another wishes everything could stay exactly as it is. Or maybe your oldest child settles in quickly while your youngest still struggles with homesickness months later.

All of these reactions are completely normal. Try not to compare your children with one another. Give each child the space to say goodbye, adjust and build a new sense of home in their own way.

Some children need to talk. Others process change through play. Some simply need more time.

The most important thing is that they know every emotion is welcome. Excitement, sadness, curiosity and uncertainty can all exist at the same time.

Age isn’t the whole story

Although age plays an important role, it is only one part of the picture.

A child’s personality, previous experiences, distance from family, the language spoken in the new country and the support they receive at school all influence how they experience an international move.

There is no fixed timeline for adjustment. Some children settle within weeks. Others need many months. That says nothing about how well they will eventually adapt.

Perhaps that is the most important message of all: Give your child time. Moving abroad is not a sprint. It is a journey.

With patience, understanding and a secure foundation, confidence grows naturally.

In the next chapter, we’ll explore how you can prepare your child for an international move. While you can’t remove every uncertainty, there is a great deal you can do to help your child feel more confident before this exciting new chapter begins.

How to prepare your child for moving abroad

An international move doesn’t begin on the day you board the plane.

For children, the journey often starts much earlier. From the moment they hear that a big change is coming, they begin—consciously or unconsciously to process what it might mean for them. Good preparation won’t take away every worry or uncertainty.

What it can do is help children feel more secure and give them a sense of control during a time when so much is changing. By involving them step by step, you can make the transition to a new country much smoother.

Tell your child early

The earlier children know about the move, the more time they have to get used to the idea. You don’t have to wait until every detail has been arranged.

In fact, being open and honest helps build trust. Explain the move in a way that matches your child’s age. Young children usually only need a simple explanation.

Older children and teenagers often want to know more. They may ask why you’re moving, what their new school will be like or what life in the new country will look like. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t have all the answers yet.

Sometimes the most reassuring response is simply: “We don’t know everything yet, but we’ll figure it out together.”

Involve your child in the preparations

Children usually don’t have a say in the decision to move. That’s why it helps if they can make choices about smaller things along the way.

For example, you could let your child:

• look at photos of the new neighbourhood;
• explore their new school online;
• choose which toys or books to pack first;
• help decorate their new bedroom;
• make a list of places they’d like to visit after arriving.

These small decisions give children a sense of ownership and make the move feel less like something that is simply happening to them.

Make room for every emotion

Many parents naturally try to focus on the exciting side of moving abroad.

“You’ll love living near the beach.” “I’m sure you’ll make lots of new friends.”

There is absolutely nothing wrong with highlighting the positive aspects of your new adventure. But try not to dismiss sadness or uncertainty in the process. Children also need permission to say things like:

“I don’t want to move.”

or

“I’m really going to miss Grandma and Grandpa.”

When you acknowledge those feelings instead of trying to fix them immediately, children feel heard and understood. Often, that is far more helpful than trying to convince them that everything will be fine.

Make saying goodbye meaningful

Saying goodbye is much more than waving goodbye at the airport. It helps children close one chapter before beginning another. There are many simple ways to make those goodbyes meaningful.

You could:

• organise a farewell party;
• take photos of favourite places;
• ask classmates to write messages in a memory book;
• create a photo album together;
• collect addresses and phone numbers of friends;
• keep small souvenirs that remind your child of home.

We’ve learned that these tangible memories often become incredibly valuable later on. Our children regularly looked through photo albums or picked up small keepsakes from previous homes. Not because they were constantly homesick, but because it reminded them that those memories would always remain part of who they are.

Keep familiar routines whenever possible

When moving abroad, almost everything changes. That is exactly why familiar routines become even more important.

Simple habits such as:

• eating dinner together;
• reading before bedtime;
• taking the dog for a walk;
• having a weekly movie night;
• video calling grandparents every Sunday;

can provide children with a reassuring sense of stability.

We noticed this during every one of our international moves. No matter how different our surroundings were, those everyday family routines helped our new house begin to feel like home much sooner.

Prepare for the first day at school

For many children, starting a new school is the most exciting and often the most nerve-racking part of moving abroad. Fortunately, there are many ways to make that first day feel less overwhelming.

Look at the school’s website together. Explore photos of the classrooms and playground. If possible, arrange an online introduction with the teacher.

Some international schools even connect new students with a future classmate before they arrive. The more familiar school feels before the first day, the easier those first few weeks often become.

Don’t forget your child’s Dutch language

With so many practical matters to arrange, it’s understandable that maintaining your child’s Dutch language or mother tongue isn’t always at the top of the priority list.

Yet it is something many families only begin to think about after they’ve already settled abroad. Children who are immersed in another language every day often become remarkably fluent in a short period of time. That is wonderful to see.

At the same time, their Dutch vocabulary, reading comprehension, spelling and writing skills may gradually receive less attention. This is especially true when the language spoken outside the home slowly becomes the dominant language in daily life.

Before you move, it’s worth discussing how your family would like to keep Dutch alive. That doesn’t have to be complicated.

Reading together, bringing Dutch books, listening to Dutch podcasts, staying in touch with family and continuing to speak Dutch at home can make a significant difference over time.

Later in this guide, we’ll explore this topic in much more detail, as maintaining your child’s Dutch language is one of the most important questions international families ask us.

Good preparation builds confidence

No matter how well you prepare, there will still be moments when your child feels uncertain, emotional or overwhelmed.

That is completely normal. Your goal isn’t to remove every challenge. It’s to provide a secure foundation.

By being honest, acknowledging every emotion, and involving your child throughout the process, you help them approach this new adventure with confidence rather than fear.

In the next chapter, we’ll look at an important step that is often overlooked: saying goodbye.

Because before children can truly embrace a new beginning, they first need the opportunity to say goodbye to the people, places and routines that have shaped their lives so far.

Saying goodbye: An important step that is often overlooked

As moving day gets closer, most parents are busy with practical arrangements.

There are boxes to pack, paperwork to complete, schools to organise, and perhaps a house to sell or rent out.

In the middle of all that, one important step is often overlooked: Saying goodbye. For children, saying goodbye is much more than simply saying, “See you later.” It helps them close one chapter before beginning the next. Without a meaningful goodbye, moving abroad can sometimes feel as if their old life has suddenly disappeared.

Saying goodbye to people and places

Children aren’t only saying goodbye to family and friends. They’re also leaving behind all the places that make up their everyday world.

Think about:

• their school;
• their favourite playground;
• their sports club;
• the neighbours they see every day;
• the house they’ve grown up in;
• the local bakery;
• the park where they always played.

Years later, it’s often these ordinary places that become the most treasured memories.

Make memories tangible

Fortunately, there are many simple ways to help children say goodbye in a meaningful way.

For example, you could:

• organise a farewell party;
• take photos of favourite places;
• ask classmates to write messages in a memory book;
• collect friends’ addresses and contact details;
• create a family photo album together;
• keep small souvenirs that remind your child of home.

These activities don’t have to be elaborate.

In fact, it’s often the simplest memories that become the most valuable over time.

Our experience

Every time we moved abroad as a family, we realised just how important saying goodbye really was.

Our daughter was always eager to look ahead. She focused on everything that was waiting for us in our new country. Our son, however, needed time to reflect on everything he was leaving behind.

Together we took photos of his school, his football club and the places where he loved spending time. We also made sure we had the opportunity to say goodbye properly to family, friends and neighbours.

Looking back, those memories became incredibly meaningful.

Our son would often look through photo albums or tell stories about life in the Netherlands. Not because he was constantly homesick, but because those memories remained part of who he was.

We believe this is true for every child. Starting a new chapter doesn’t mean forgetting the previous one. When children know that their memories are allowed to stay, they often find it much easier to embrace everything that comes next.

Bring something familiar with you

As well as saying goodbye, it helps children to bring something familiar into their new home.

That could be a favourite teddy bear, a blanket, a collection of Dutch books or a small box filled with meaningful keepsakes.

Familiar objects provide comfort at a time when almost everything else feels new.

During all of our international moves, one family member always came with us: our dog, Cooper.

For our children, Cooper was much more than a pet.

Wherever we lived, he represented home.

Whether we arrived at a new house or explored an unfamiliar neighbourhood, Cooper was there.

His familiar presence brought a sense of comfort and stability.

He reminded us that home isn’t just a place.

It’s also the people, pets, routines and little things you carry with you wherever life takes you.

Stay connected

Thanks to video calls, messaging apps and social media, staying in touch has never been easier.

Still, it helps to make a few simple agreements before you move.

Perhaps your child would like to video call their grandparents every Sunday.

Or schedule a monthly online gaming session with their best friend.

Having something to look forward to provides reassurance, especially during the first few months.

At the same time, it’s important to find a healthy balance.

If children spend all their time looking back, it can become harder to build a new life in their new country.

Try to create space for both.

Stay connected to the people you love while remaining open to everything that lies ahead.

Give children something to look forward to

Saying goodbye isn’t only about what you’re leaving behind.

It’s also about looking ahead. Make a list together of the things you’re excited to discover.

Perhaps that’s:

• a new home;
• a swimming pool;
• living near the beach;
• mountains to explore;
• learning another language;
• making new friends;
• local festivals;
• beautiful wildlife or nature.

When sadness and curiosity are both given space, children usually find the transition easier.

During our own moves abroad, we found it helpful to plan our first few weeks together.

Which beaches would we visit?

Which local markets did we want to explore?

What new foods were we going to try?

Focusing on what lay ahead didn’t replace the memories of what we had left behind.

Instead, it helped create space for a new sense of home to grow.

There is no perfect goodbye

Some children cry on their last day at school. Others seem completely unfazed. Some only begin to feel emotional weeks, or even months, later, once life starts to settle down again.

Every one of these reactions is normal. The important thing isn’t how your child says goodbye.

It’s knowing that they have been given the opportunity to express their feelings, hold on to their memories and look ahead with hope.

Moving abroad doesn’t mean closing one chapter and forgetting the last. Children carry their memories, experiences and relationships with them wherever they go. And it is those memories that often help them build a new sense of home in a new country.

In the next chapter, we’ll explore what the first weeks after arrival are really like. Because no matter how well you prepare, the real adjustment begins once everyday life starts—and that’s when most families discover that settling into a new country takes time.

The first weeks in your new country: Give yourself and your child time

After months of planning, packing and preparing, you’ve finally arrived.

The boxes are unpacked, you’ve reached your new home and your international adventure can begin.

Or can it?

Many parents expect life to settle down once the move is over.

In reality, this is often when a completely new chapter begins.

You’re learning your way around unfamiliar supermarkets, helping your children settle into a new school, navigating a different neighbourhood and slowly turning a house into a home.

That takes time.

And it takes energy.

The first weeks can feel overwhelming

For children, almost everything is new.

A different language.

A new school building.

Unfamiliar classmates.

Different rules.

Perhaps a new climate, new food or even a completely different daily rhythm.

Some children seem to embrace every new experience with enthusiasm.

They are curious, adventurous and eager to explore.

Others become unusually quiet, tired or more emotional than normal.

That is equally understandable.

Their brains are processing an enormous amount of new information every single day.

Try to leave plenty of room for rest alongside all the new experiences.

It’s perfectly fine if there are fewer social activities during those first weeks, or if your child simply needs a quiet afternoon at home.

Rebuild familiar routines

Children feel safest when they know what to expect.

As soon as possible, try to establish familiar daily routines again.

For example:

• regular bedtimes and wake-up times;
• eating breakfast or dinner together;
• a dedicated place to do homework;
• reading together before bedtime;
• taking a walk after school or after dinner.

These familiar habits provide stability and gradually help a new environment begin to feel like home.

Don’t wait too long to build new connections

When you’ve just moved into a new home, it’s tempting to wait until everything is perfectly organised before inviting people over.

Our experience has taught us the opposite.

After each international move, once most of the moving boxes had been unpacked, we organised a simple housewarming.

Nothing elaborate.

Just a relaxed afternoon or evening where we invited neighbours, parents from school and the people we had already started getting to know for coffee, drinks and something to eat.

Looking back, it was one of the best decisions we made.

For our children, the familiar faces they had already seen at school or in the neighbourhood suddenly became real people.

They met classmates in a relaxed setting and saw that we, as parents, were also building new friendships.

That helped them feel part of the community much more quickly.

It also made a huge difference for us.

We got to know our neighbours, exchanged practical tips and quickly discovered local parks, sports clubs and places our children would enjoy.

You really don’t have to wait until your home looks perfect.

In fact, most people don’t mind if there are still a few moving boxes in the living room.

They aren’t coming to admire your furniture.

They’re coming to get to know you.

We often noticed that after one of these gatherings, our children felt much more confident saying hello to classmates or playing outside.

The first familiar faces were no longer strangers.

Let everyone adjust at their own pace

Within the same family, people rarely settle in at the same speed.

Your youngest child may already have made new friends within a week, while your teenager still spends every evening messaging friends back home.

Or perhaps it’s the other way around.

Try not to force the process.

Avoid comparing your children with one another and don’t expect everyone to feel at home at the same time.

Every international move is a personal journey.

Stay curious

Among all the practical tasks, make time to enjoy your new surroundings together.

Visit a local market. Take a walk through a nearby park. Try traditional food. Explore the beach, the mountains or nature reserves.

It is often these small discoveries that slowly transform an unfamiliar place into somewhere that feels familiar. During every move abroad, we made it a family tradition to explore together.

Not because it was on a checklist, but because curiosity gently shifts your focus from what you’ve left behind to everything that is waiting to be discovered.

Feeling at home doesn’t happen overnight

One of the questions parents ask us most often is:

“When will this finally start to feel like home?”

There is no single answer.

Some children say after only a few weeks that they never want to leave.

Others need many months before they truly relax.

Both experiences are completely normal.

A sense of belonging rarely appears all at once.

Instead, it grows through dozens of small moments.

The first friend to come over and play.

The teacher who remembers your name.

The neighbour who waves every morning.

The baker who knows which bread you always buy.

The football coach who makes your child feel welcome.

Little by little, unfamiliar places become familiar ones.

And one day you suddenly realise that your new country is no longer simply the place where you live.

It has quietly become a place that feels like home.

In the next chapter, we’ll look at something almost every international family experiences: the emotional stages of adjusting to a new country. Because it’s perfectly normal to begin with excitement, experience a difficult period and gradually find your feet again. Understanding these stages can help you support both yourself and your children with greater confidence and patience.

The different stages of settling into a new country

Many parents expect settling into a new country to be a gradual, upward journey. They imagine that each week will become a little easier, that life will slowly fall into place and that everyone will steadily feel more at home.

In reality, the adjustment process is often much less predictable. It is perfectly normal for the first few weeks to feel exciting, only to be followed by a period when everything suddenly feels difficult. The opposite can also happen.

Some families find the first days overwhelming but gradually become more relaxed as everyday life begins to feel familiar. This is true not only for parents, but for children as well. Understanding these different stages can help you realise that what your family is experiencing is completely normal. Almost every international family goes through some version of this journey.

Stage 1: Everything is new

The first weeks often feel like an adventure.

There is so much to discover.

A new home.

A different neighbourhood.

Perhaps another climate.

A new school.

Children often look around with curiosity and excitement.

“Look how tall the palm trees are!”

“The school buses are yellow!”

“Everyone speaks a different language!”

Parents, meanwhile, are usually focused on practical matters.

There is so much to organise that there is little time to stop and reflect on everyone’s emotions.

This stage is often called the honeymoon phase.

Stage 2: Reality sets in

After a few weeks or months, everyday life slowly returns.

School becomes more demanding.

Work begins to feel normal again.

Daily routines take over.

And that is often when homesickness appears.

Children may say things like:

“I miss my friends.”

“Why did we move here?”

“I want to go back.”

Sometimes they don’t say anything at all.

Instead, they become more emotional.

More frustrated.

Or unusually quiet.

Parents often experience this stage too.

You may miss your family.

You may struggle with a language you don’t yet speak confidently.

You may simply feel exhausted.

None of this means you made the wrong decision.

It usually means that you are adjusting to a completely new life.

Stage 3: A new routine begins to emerge

Gradually, something begins to change.

The supermarket no longer feels unfamiliar.

You know the quickest route to school.

You recognise your neighbours.

Your children have their first playdate.

The baker smiles because they remember you.

These may seem like small moments.

But together, they make an enormous difference.

Little by little, the unfamiliar becomes familiar.

Children become more confident.

Parents begin to relax.

Life starts to feel less like surviving and more like living.

Stage 4: A new sense of home

Over time, many international families discover something unexpected.

The Netherlands will always remain an important part of their lives.

But at the same time, their new country begins to feel like home as well.

Children have friends.

You know your way around.

New family traditions begin to develop.

Perhaps you celebrate local holidays alongside Dutch traditions.

Or maybe you’ve discovered new foods that have become just as familiar as pancakes or stamppot.

Eventually, you realise that home is no longer just a place on the map.

It has become a feeling.

One that slowly grows over time.

Every family follows a different path

Not every family experiences these stages in the same order.

Some children seem to skip a stage almost entirely.

Others remain in one phase much longer.

Even within the same family, the differences can be remarkable.

We experienced this ourselves during our international moves.

While one child was already making plans to explore the neighbourhood, the other still wanted to look through photos from the Netherlands or schedule an extra video call with Grandma and Grandpa.

There was nothing unusual about that.

It simply reminded us that every child adjusts in their own way and at their own pace.

The U-curve: A familiar pattern

Researchers often describe this adjustment process as the U-curve of cultural adaptation.

According to this model, many people experience an initial period of excitement after moving abroad, followed by a more challenging phase before gradually finding their place in their new environment.

For us, however, the most important message isn’t the theory itself.

It’s knowing that experiencing a dip is completely normal.

It doesn’t mean your move has failed.

It doesn’t mean your child will never settle.

In fact, families who understand these emotional stages often find it much easier to navigate the ups and downs that come with international life.

When should you become concerned?

Feeling unsettled is usually a normal part of adjusting to a new country.

However, it is important to stay attentive.

If your child remains withdrawn, anxious or deeply unhappy for many weeks, no longer enjoys going to school, struggles to sleep or seems to lose interest in everyday life, it may be helpful to seek additional support.

Fortunately, most children gradually regain their confidence when they feel safe, understood and given the space to express their emotions.

Trust the process

If there is one thing we have learned through our own international moves—and from supporting hundreds of international families over the years—it is this:

Settling into a new country takes time.

There is no fixed schedule.

No child who is completely settled after exactly six weeks.

No parent who has all the answers.

And that’s perfectly okay.

Give yourself and your children the time to build a new life, one small step at a time.

Very often, the most beautiful moments begin just after the greatest uncertainty has passed—when your new country slowly starts to feel less like a destination and more like home.

Homesickness is part of the journey

“Mum, when can we go home?” It is a question many international families hear sooner or later.

Sometimes after only a few days. Sometimes months after arriving. For parents, it can come as a surprise, especially when everything seemed to be going well. But homesickness is a completely normal response to a major life change.

It does not mean your child will never adjust. Nor does it mean that moving abroad was the wrong decision.

In fact, children who feel safe enough to express sadness, frustration or longing are often processing the transition in a healthy way.

 

 

Homesickness is about more than missing people

When we think about homesickness, we often think about missing family and friends.

For children, however, it is usually much more than that.

They may miss:

• their bedroom;
• their teacher;
• football practice or dance class;
• the familiar smell of home;
• their favourite playground;
• neighbourhood friends;
• the walk to school;
• Grandma and Grandpa;
• Dutch traditions and holidays;
• familiar words, sounds and routines.

Sometimes children even miss things they hardly noticed before they moved.

That is completely normal.

Homesickness doesn’t always look the same

Not every child will tell you they feel homesick.

Some children talk openly about it.

Others express it in very different ways.

For example, they may:

• become more emotional or irritable;
• cry more easily;
• have trouble sleeping;
• complain of headaches or stomach aches without a medical cause;
• withdraw from others;
• lose interest in school;
• talk constantly about life back home.

Younger children, in particular, often struggle to put their feelings into words.

Their behaviour may tell you much more than what they actually say.

Make space for every emotion

As a parent, your natural instinct is to reassure your child.

But often, the most helpful thing you can do is simply listen.

You might say:

“I understand that you miss your friends.”

“That must feel really difficult.”

“Tell me what you miss the most.”

When children feel heard, they feel safe.

That doesn’t mean you can solve everything.

But it does let them know that every emotion is welcome.

Don’t try to talk homesickness away

Parents sometimes respond with the very best intentions.

“But you’ve already made new friends!”

“Look how beautiful it is here!”

Although those comments are meant to encourage, children can sometimes feel that their sadness is being dismissed.

Of course it’s wonderful to celebrate everything your new country has to offer.

But first, allow space for the feelings of loss.

Children can miss their old life and enjoy their new one at the same time.

Those emotions can happily exist side by side.

Stay connected to home

Keeping in touch with family and friends can make an enormous difference.

Perhaps your child enjoys a weekly video call with grandparents.

Or sending photos to friends.

Or playing an online game together every Friday evening.

Reading Dutch books, playing Dutch games or cooking favourite family meals can also help children maintain that connection.

These familiar moments remind them that they don’t have to choose between their old life and their new one.

Help your child look forward as well

Alongside making space for homesickness, it’s equally important to create new memories.

Explore your new surroundings together.

Find a favourite playground.

Join a sports club.

Visit local markets.

Celebrate local holidays.

Take photos of new adventures.

New memories don’t replace old ones.

They simply become part of your family’s story.

We’ve experienced firsthand how powerful one small gesture can be.

During one of our moves abroad, our son missed his best friend in the Netherlands terribly.

So, during a school holiday, we invited his friend to come and stay with us.

It turned out to be one of the best decisions we could have made.

The boys loved spending time together again.

But something else happened too.

Our son proudly showed his friend around his new life.

His school.

His favourite places.

His new neighbourhood.

He introduced him to new friends and showed him where he now felt at home.

After that visit, we noticed a remarkable change.

Our son visibly relaxed.

He no longer felt as though he had to choose between his old life and his new one.

For a little while, those two worlds came together.

That experience gave him the confidence to embrace everything his new country had to offer.

Of course, inviting a friend to visit isn’t possible for every family.

But it taught us an important lesson.

Whenever possible, try to build bridges between your child’s old world and their new one.

That doesn’t always require travelling.

Video calls, online games, handwritten postcards or even watching the same film together from different countries can all help children maintain meaningful friendships while building a new life abroad.

Our experience

Homesickness has been part of our family’s international journey too.

Not only for our children, but sometimes for us as parents as well.

What surprised us most was when it appeared.

Not during the first exciting days.

But much later.

A birthday without family.

The first Sinterklaas celebration abroad.

Or one of those quiet moments when you suddenly realise that life in the Netherlands has continued without you.

Over time, we learned that homesickness isn’t something that needs to be fixed.

It is a reflection of love.

A sign that people, places and memories matter.

By making space for those feelings instead of pushing them away, we saw sadness gradually make room for beautiful memories—and for new experiences.

When does homesickness become a concern?

For most children, homesickness gradually fades as they settle into their new environment.

However, it is important to stay attentive.

If your child remains deeply unhappy for many weeks, no longer wants to join activities, struggles to connect at school or continues to experience physical complaints without a medical explanation, it may be helpful to seek additional support.

Fortunately, most children gradually find their footing when they are given time, understanding and a secure emotional foundation.

Homesickness and feeling at home can exist together

Perhaps this is the most important message in this entire guide.

Children do not have to let go of one home in order to embrace another.

They can miss their friends in the Netherlands, look forward to visiting family during the holidays and still build a happy life in their new country.

Over time, something beautiful begins to happen.

The Netherlands remains an important part of who they are.

At the same time, their new country slowly becomes part of their identity as well.

New friendships grow.

Favourite places emerge.

New traditions are created.

Not instead of the old ones—but alongside them.

Perhaps that is the greatest gift of growing up internationally.

Children discover that their hearts are big enough for more than one home.

That home isn’t always one country or one house.

It is made up of people, memories, traditions and experiences that stay with them wherever life takes them.

And when children realise that both worlds are allowed to exist side by side, they gradually begin to feel truly at home.

Not because the journey is over.

But because they have learned that they don’t have to leave one part of themselves behind in order to embrace another.

How to keep your child’s Dutch language skills strong

When families prepare for an international move, they naturally focus on the practical side of relocating.

Finding a home.

Choosing a school.

Arranging visas and paperwork.

Organising healthcare.

All of these things are important.

But there is one topic that often receives far less attention until after the move has taken place:

Your child’s Dutch language development.

Many parents assume that because Dutch is spoken at home, their child’s Dutch will simply continue to develop naturally.

In reality, we often see something different.

Children living abroad can gradually begin to fall behind their peers in the Netherlands, particularly in vocabulary, reading comprehension, spelling and writing.

Children who grow up abroad often thrive in many ways, but their Dutch language development follows a different path from children who receive daily education in Dutch. That is a completely normal result of growing up bilingually or multilingually and says nothing about a child’s intelligence, language ability or academic potential.

Many parents become concerned when their child suddenly struggles to read a Dutch book, write a story or complete a spelling exercise.

Usually, this doesn’t mean something is wrong.

It is simply the natural result of receiving education in another language.

That is why it is so important to continue nurturing Dutch alongside your child’s new language.

Children learn a new language remarkably quickly

One of children’s greatest strengths is their ability to adapt.

When they are surrounded by a new language every day, they often begin speaking it much faster than their parents expect.

That is wonderful.

But there is another side to this rapid development.

There are only twenty-four hours in a day.

The more time children spend learning, playing and socialising in another language, the less exposure they naturally have to Dutch.

When school, sports, friendships and social media all take place in another language, the balance gradually shifts.

Often without anyone noticing.

Changes in Dutch usually begin very gradually

Language loss rarely happens overnight.

Instead, it often starts with small changes.

Perhaps your child struggles to remember a Dutch word.

They begin mixing English—or another language—into Dutch sentences.

Reading Dutch books suddenly feels more difficult.

Writing becomes harder.

Or a grandparent comments:

“Your Dutch sounds a little different these days.”

These are all perfectly normal signs.

They don’t mean your child is losing Dutch altogether.

They simply show that Dutch, like every language, needs regular practice to continue developing.

Speaking Dutch is only part of the picture

Many children continue speaking Dutch fluently at home.

As a result, parents often assume that their Dutch language skills are developing as they should.

However, language is about much more than speaking.

Children also need opportunities to develop:

• vocabulary;
• reading comprehension;
• spelling;
• grammar;
• writing skills;
• academic language;
• confident communication.

These are exactly the skills that receive much less attention when a child is educated in another language.

A child may sound like a fluent Dutch speaker while still struggling to read Dutch texts or write at the level expected in schools in the Netherlands.

Returning to the Netherlands isn’t always as easy as parents expect

Many international families don’t know in advance how long they will live abroad.

Some return after a few years.

Others stay for much longer.

That uncertainty makes maintaining Dutch even more important.

When children return to the Netherlands and enter a Dutch primary or secondary school, families are sometimes surprised to discover that reading comprehension, spelling, writing and academic vocabulary have fallen behind.

This has nothing to do with intelligence.

It is simply the natural consequence of receiving education in another language for several years.

How can you maintain your child’s Dutch?

The good news is that maintaining Dutch doesn’t have to feel like extra schoolwork.

In fact, small, consistent habits often make the biggest difference.

For example:

• continue speaking Dutch at home;
• read Dutch books together every day;
• listen to Dutch audiobooks or podcasts;
• watch Dutch television programmes together;
• play games in Dutch;
• encourage regular contact with family and friends in the Netherlands;
• write postcards, emails or messages in Dutch;
• make the most of holidays in the Netherlands by giving children plenty of opportunities to speak Dutch.

Children learn language by using it.

The more naturally Dutch remains part of everyday family life, the stronger it will continue to develop.

When are online Dutch lessons a good idea?

Every international family is different.

Some families speak only Dutch at home.

Others are multilingual.

Sometimes only one parent speaks Dutch.

Or perhaps your child lives in a community where they rarely hear Dutch outside the family.

In those situations, online Dutch lessons can be an excellent addition.

Not simply to maintain conversational Dutch, but also to continue developing reading comprehension, spelling, grammar, writing skills and the academic language children may need if they eventually return to the Netherlands or continue their education there.

Our experience

During our years abroad, we discovered how important it was to make Dutch part of everyday family life.

Not because we were afraid our children would suddenly stop speaking Dutch.

But because we wanted them to feel equally confident in both languages.

We continued reading Dutch books together.

We spoke Dutch at home.

We made sure that regular contact with family in the Netherlands remained part of our routine.

Because Dutch stayed woven into our daily lives, it never became another school subject.

It remained the language in which we told stories, laughed together, argued, shared memories and stayed connected as a family.

Over the years, we’ve seen exactly the same pattern in the hundreds of international families we’ve supported.

Children maintain their Dutch most successfully when the language remains a natural part of family life rather than something they only practise during lessons.

Multilingualism is a gift

Some parents worry that learning multiple languages will confuse their child.

Research consistently shows the opposite.

Children are remarkably capable of developing two or more languages successfully, provided they receive rich and meaningful exposure to each of them.

The goal is not to reduce your child’s exposure to their new language.

Quite the opposite.

By developing both Dutch and the language of their new country, children build a strong multilingual foundation that will benefit them throughout their lives.

They don’t simply learn new words.

They learn new ways of communicating, thinking and understanding the world.

Dutch connects generations

For many families, Dutch is about much more than language.

It is the language of bedtime stories with Grandma and Grandpa.

The language of Sinterklaas celebrations, favourite childhood books and family holidays in the Netherlands.

The language through which family history is passed from one generation to the next.

Perhaps most importantly, it is the language that allows children to remain connected to an important part of who they are, wherever life takes them.

Today, our own children have friends in different countries around the world.

With some they speak Dutch.

With others they speak English or Spanish.

Perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts an international childhood can offer.

Not having to choose between languages, countries or cultures—but learning to embrace them all.

We don’t believe multilingualism means one language has to replace another.

Quite the opposite.

When children feel confident in both their mother tongue and the language of their new home, they grow up knowing that it is possible to belong to more than one place.

To feel at home in more than one culture.

To carry more than one language in their hearts.

And perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts an international childhood can give.

A new adventure begins, one step at a time

Moving abroad with children is one of the biggest changes a family can experience.

There will be days when everything seems to fall into place.

And there will be days when you wonder whether you made the right decision.

That is all part of the journey.

Your children don’t have to feel at home immediately.

They don’t have to speak a new language perfectly.

They don’t have to love every moment of their new life from day one.

Give them time.

Listen carefully.

Stay curious.

Above all, remember that feeling at home is built through hundreds of small moments.

A first friend.

A familiar walk to school.

A favourite bakery.

A football practice.

A birthday celebration.

A bedtime story read in Dutch.

These seemingly ordinary moments are often the ones children remember most warmly years later.

As a family, we have experienced several international moves ourselves. Alongside that, we have spent many years supporting international families around the world in maintaining and developing their children’s Dutch language skills.

That experience has taught us one important lesson.

Every international move is different.

Every child is different.

Every family writes its own story.

But no family has to navigate that journey alone.

Is your family preparing for an international move?

Whether you’re planning your move, have recently arrived or are preparing for a future return to the Netherlands, we’d be happy to help you find the best path for your child.

During a free online introductory meeting, we’ll discuss your family’s situation, your child’s age, Dutch language development and your future plans. Together, we’ll explore which type of support best fits your family’s needs.

Schedule your free introductory meeting

 

Further reading

Moving abroad often raises many new questions about language development, multilingualism and education.

You may also find these articles helpful:

• Why a strong first language helps children learn Dutch
• International school or Dutch school: which is the right choice for your child?
• Dutch language levels explained (CEFR, 1F and 2F)
• Why reading comprehension matters more than many parents realise
• The Dutch Doorstroomtoets explained for international families